The Prayer of Jonah

In RETURN TO ROME, Beckwith writes his "tell all" book

As someone who is considering converting to the Catholic church, I've been reading any number of books on Catholocism and have become a regular watcher of EWTN's The Journey Home. Earlier this week I watched the Journey Home show with Francis Beckwith and listened with great interest as he detailed his journey back to the church of his boyhood. I was so intrigued and captivated by his ability to so clearly articulate his reasoning that I immediately went to Amazon and ordered his book RETURN TO ROME: Confessions of an Evangelical Catholic. I was not disappointed.

Beckwith not only provides the story of spiritual journey from boyhoode to the pinnacle of his Protestant career as President of the Evangelical Theological Society but also provides the logical progression of his thought as he finally undertook a careful examinmation of his Protestant beliefs against Catholic teachings. In the end he realized that returning to the Catholic church was his only choice and he did it with grace, humility, and love. Beckwith clearly is in debt to his Protestant years and the spiritual knowledge he gained and it is only with love and respect that he explains how he finally had no other choice but to fully embrace the Catholic teachings. For him it was not an either/or position. Rather it was a matter of coming into a an even greater understanding of what it means to be a Christian and what it means to be able to fully receive the sacraments provided by the Catholic church.

I'll admit I found the first 75 or 80 pages a bit slow but once Beckwith gets to the really important stages where he examines the differences and the likenesses of the Evangical teachings to the Catholic Church that the book really takes off. From then on my pencil worked as fast as my eyes swept down the pages taking in all he had to say. If you're considering the Catholic church or if you're just curious about the process one man underwent on his journey to becoming Catholic, you're bound to enjoy this book. Another interesting tidbit about Beckwith is that he is still part of the faculty at Baylor University. Catholic or Protestant, Beckwith will give you something to think about.

Reading Kathleen Norris

Another year has rolled around and with it comes the desire to post more to The Prayer of Jonah blog. Kathleen Norris is a writer who often tempts me into reading her books simply from the titles. Who of a spiritual mind can resist The Cloister Walk, Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith, Dakota: A Spiritual Geography, and The Virigin of Bennington? Norris remains the temptress with her latest: Acedia & me: A Marriage, Monds, and A Writer's Life. This one contains everything to lure me under the cover. There's a word that is unfamiliar to me: acedia. She speaks of monks and of marriage, what a combination. And last there's the largest draw of all: A writer's life. I've been married; I'm interested in monkish ways; and I live a writer's life. I am hooked.

I'm still reading so I won't go on about content just yet. Don't stray far for I will write a review soon on Acedia & Me: A Marriage, Monks, and a Writer's Life.

Book Review: Rise, Let Us Be On Our Way by John Paul II

If we become what we eat, then we also become what we read. As a writer, and a reader first, I have been a book lover my entire life. Maybe it's been the stress, some kind of health problem, or a series of distractions but I've realized that reading has fallen down the ladder of priorities recently. I've also become tethered to the house and it's not as easy for me to leave as it was even six months ago. So I've decided to carve out time on Sundays to read and limit the scope of the books selected to those of a religious or spiritual nature. My selection this week? Rise, Let Us Be On Our Way.

This is the first book I've read by John Paul II and I found it extremely easy to read. The chapters are small not lengthy as, perhaps, expected. The book mainly addresses the role and scope of bishops but there's enough in the text to make it worthwhile for anyone to read. John Paul II details his life as a bishop. What he did. What it meant to him. Why a bishop does what he does and the underlying meanings. The autobiographical thread provides great insight into John Paul's formation as a priest, a bishop, and as a pope. While his earlier autobiographical work dealt with his early years and WWII, in this book we learn how he worked and lived a religious life under a Communist regime. It's easy to understand why so many loved and continue to love him. The challenges he and others faced during the Communist reign in Poland and the refusal by the Polish people to give in to the demand for a secular society shows the type of pressure cooker that strengthend this man and prepared him for his future role.

John Paul's words have the ability to continue to challenge us today. By page four, he had manged to single me out. Here he's talking about vocations and how Christ, prior to his death, gave the apostles, and each of us, a challenge. It's one that makes you think, wonder, perhaps even worry. It makes you ask: Have I met this goal? (I find I'm seriously lacking.) Christ admonishes his disciples to "go and bear fruit that will last" (John 15:16).

I find it's the "that will last" that's become the kicker.

Discovering God's Grace in the midst of Hurricane Ike

Houston's Bad Boy, Hurricane Ike, has left a wide swath of destruction in his wake and I sit in the midst of his path contemplating the rubble and debris of this outward landscape and how it so perfectly matches my own interior landscape. The difference is that mine has taken decades to form and shape, while Ike managed to do his damage in a matter of hours. But today I also realize that I am one of the fortunate few for my mother and I are the recepients of a gift of Providence provided by God through my father.

We have been without power since Friday night at 10:00 pm but we are not without power. After our difficult evacuation for Rita several years ago, my dad had the good sense to purchase a great behemoth of a generator. This particular generator is able to run our entire house. So today my mother and I are living in a bubble of security.

The past year and a half has been difficult. Shortly after my last post at the end of May, I lost my job when Borders Books did away with my position. (The second time this has happened.) It was just as well because my dad's health had declined during the previous holiday season and my caregiving duties and need for my presence 24/7 had escalated and intensified. All of last year I lived neither here nor there. I stayed at my parents most of the time and barely had time for a visit to my own home. I had three changes of clothes. My belongings remained at my house; my body remained here (at my parents' home). My dad's health continued to deteriorate as did my capacity for handling the situation. It is difficult, as so many of my generation are discovering, to watch those who had been strong and so sure of themselves for so many years slowly loosen their grip upon their lives and reluctantly give themselves over to care provided by someone else.

My dad's condition became high maintenance and intense and culiminated in a last minute week of hospice here at the house only to have him pass away one week later. No matter how much you expect such a thing, it is a shock. I think we are still feeling its impact. My parents would have celebrated their 64th anniversary in August had he not died at the end of April. My father had always taken care of my mom and now that has become my main mission. To that end I have been embroiled in the long process of closing my home, trying to ready it for a renter, and attempting to integrate my personal belongings in with my mom's--without upsetting her too much and causing too much change. It's difficult for both of us; I've been away from home for 40 some years.

Today all is stopped in midstream due to Ike. We live in a bubble as we watch the terrible devastation of our surrounding area while safe and protected by the generator my father provided. We are the lucky ones. This is how it is when we are held in the hands of God during a time of travail. It's not that we are not marked or scarred by the events but more that we are protected and kept safe in spite of them. In the midst of the storm, buffeted by high winds and falling debris, we have experienced God's grace. His arms have extended and He has gathered us into his fortress. For that I am forever grateful, for this could have been an extraordinarily difficult time for my 93 year-old mother who is so recently widowed and suffers from heart problems on multiple levels. Once more God's grace slipped through and lassoed us when least expected providing another opportunity to contemplate the many and unexpected ways He makes His presence known.

Say hello to the original reluctant caregiver

Sometimes it takes a long time for things to come together. Take this blog. It began three years ago when I decided I wanted a place where I could put my thoughts about the Jonah project. I've long held that Jonah's prayer is under-used and unappreciated. I've also been intrigued with the character of Jonah. He epitomizes the reluctant hero. For many years I've entertained the thought of doing an icon of Jonah but seemed to have trouble getting started. Perhaps it's because I needed to have a deeper understanding of his character before I started.

Lents have come and gone and the project has remained stagnant. So what's the problem? Perhaps I've been missing pieces of the puzzle. Tonight I realized that Jonah is probably the archtype for the reluctant caregiver and instead of creating a separate site to write about my experiences as a caregiver, the Jonah project would be the perfect repository. All I have to do is grab the domain name and direct folks to that particular category. Or I can keep them here and use a feed for the caregiver blog. The minute I had that realization my mood changed--usually a good indicator.

An Omen? SAINTS: A Year in Faith and Art

So much time has passed since I last posted.  I wish I could say that great insights had emerged and the whale spit me out, but it is doubtful. While I'm busy on other writing projects this one has been langushing...as has my spiritual growth. So that is why I grabbed with glee the book titled SAINTS: A Year in Faith and Art.

For someone interested in iconography and religious art, the physical attributes of the book are a huge plus. While thick, the size is that of a smaller, hand-held devotional. Art lovers will be in their own brand of heaven with the 380 images, each highlighting a day in the year. From early icons to adored Renaissance depictions, the saints are presented in glorious color. The book is hardbound and the basic background is the color of gold leaf. Most days have one saint, although occasionally you will run across a second depending on the painting chosen. A brief biography and a little extra info is added but the true meaning is for the art and the depiction of the saint to daily feed your soul. You'll learn the meaning of the saint's name and the traditional iconography. For example, today is November 13 and the saint is the Franciscan Saint Diego of Alcala.

Born in Andalusia around 1400, Diego chose the religious life while still young and joined the Franciscans. He was a layfather, dedicated to the sick and pilgrims, assigned the role of cook. He died in Alcala in 1463. His cult spread primarily in Spain. King Philip II of Spain promoted his canonization, which took place in 1588.

Saint Diego is represented as a youth, with the Franciscan habit, often while displaying flowers in the folds of his habit. He is invoked against infirmaties.

Name: Diego is from the Greek didaco and means 'instructed.'

The painting is Saint Diego of Alcala Heals the Sick by Joseph Liggozi, Circo 1620, Church of Ognissanti, Florence.

Of course, as I read the passage and looked at the painting I'm very aware of the problems I've been having with my knee since the surgery. But even more I had a sudden flash of the moment in the church in Florence, Italy when I rounded a corner and suddenly stood in front of an actual habit reputed to have been worn by St. Francis. It was a moment of grace for me as I stood there and took it all in. Since the moment I entered the church I'd been thinking of St. Francis but had no idea that he had actually spent time at the church, let alone knew that a relic of his lay a short walk away. I had also been drawn to a particular side chapel and didn't know why and someone then told me it had been dedicated to St. Francis. Immediately after that, I turned and went down a hallway to another room and that's when I unexpectedly found the habit. I had such an eerie feeling as I looked at the worn cloth. I number this as an early encounter with the saint and realize now that I had been on a journey toward that  moment for some time.

It is said the saints are with us. In that moment, I felt St. Francis's presence.  Perhaps using this little treasure of a book will help guide me back to Jonah. As I review my earlier posts I sense that I was tapping into some deeper connection or understanding of the prayer of Jonah.

A prayer for deliverence

Today I sat down and typed in the prayer and took a look at each and every verse. It is so clear to me that this prayer of Jonah's is a prayer for deliverance, but it is also a prayer that glorifies God. Jonah acknowldges all that God has done for him. Time after time Jonah says God heard his prayers, and he knows God hears his words even though they are coming from the deepest of the deep, from inside the belly of the fish.

And said, I cried by reason of my affliction unto the Lord, and he heard me; out of the belly of the hell cried I, and thou heardest my voice." (Jonah 2.2 KJV)

What struck me is Jonah's constant certitude that God hears his every prayer. There is a deep acknowledgement of a relationship with God and a "knowing" that God hears and responds. For me, this is one of the more powerful aspects of this prayer. When I say the words, I feel that same certitude that arises form Jonah's prayer filling my spirit and lifting me even as I recite the verses. By the end of the prayer I am lifted. I am no longer lingering in the dark, deepness of pain. I have wrapped my hands around a rescue line and am being pulled up to the surface out or the black mire of darkness. 

Returning to Jonah

This morning I returned to Jonah. It's been nearly two years since my last post but thoughts of Jonah have never been far removed from my daily life. The urge to paint the icon has been growing and has been matched by flashes of Jonah's image and random thoughts arising from his story. When I received Vivian's email asking when I wanted to begin the icon, it was the gentle prod I needed.

Instead of the image used in this blog's banner, we've switched to the more detailed traditional Byzantine icon.  After I found the copies of the icon, I stopped off at Kinkos and used their new blueprint copiers to make enlarged black and white copies of the image. Today's lesson consisted of transferring the pattern onto the watercolor paper and then incising the major portions. Next week I'll be adding the gold.

In the meantime I plan to do more blog entries.

When the calls come, do we hang up?

Well, the date is May 25, 2004: 69 days since my last post. Lent 2004 has come and gone, but the writings have not. While in my heart I know my intentions were good and true, the result is that the project is no further along. The last two months have been fraught with problems and deadlines, almost at a frenzied pace, and I am so much more tired than I was earlier this year. Perhaps there's a reason for the lag time between the beginning and now, but I do believe--despite everything that continues to plague my outward life right now--that the time to write is now. So I shall, one more time, begin to begin.

When considering the Book of Jonah, there are several threads or themes that weave their way throughout the story. If anyone could be called a reluctant hero, Jonah is the one. He did not want to leave his home. He did not want to do God's bidding and go to Nineveh, let alone proclaim the message. Only after much ado, did the reluctant prophet agree to perform his mission and soon after became angry at his success: the people of Nineveh had repented and God spared them! After all his trouble, Jonah did not like God extending any pardons.

How many of us are reluctant when we feel God tugging on clothes, whispering into our ears, breathing deeply down the back of our necks? Do we rise up, joyous to do the Lord's bidding? How many will suddenly spin and reverse the direction of their lives? Not many, I suspect. Perhaps the reluctance to act on life-changing challenges is understood and appreciated; but what about the times we grit our teeth, press our heels into the ground, and say no to the small moments of opportunity offered by God? How many times do we brush the thought aside that speaks to us of saying we're sorry, of adjusting our attitude, or simply walking away from a moment ripe with contention? Are we not like Jonah, refusing the small and the large calls that come our way?

And what do we do? How do our actions speak for us? Do we, like Jonah, prefer the comfort of home and turn our back on the Lord?

Til next time....

A different icon

I found this slightly different image of Jonah and the whale on the Ecole Initiative link. The colors are different and this is a true icon where the one used in the banner is a fresco. I'm still partial to the blues rather than the browns. I'll have to ask Vivian about the choice of colors and their meaning.

I've been assisting Vivian Karayiannis, my icon teacher, all week in a workshop. I've also been attempting to do a study of the Jonah and the whale image on the banner, although my attempts have not brought much satisfaction. Despite my dismal efforts, I do believe I should go ahead and do the icon as part of an active meditation. Perhaps it will lead me deeper into the meaning of the prayer.

Finding release

When I am tempted to worry about anything, help me instead to trust you to redeem everything in my daily life. When I feel trapped, I will turn to your mercy for release. (Henri J.M. Nouwen)

"When I feel trapped...." Surely Jonah felt that way, probably in more ways than one. Winding up in the belly of the whale offered little hope of deliverance. Refusing God seldom, if ever, promised an easy journey. Jonah was angry and had hardened his heart against God. He didn't want to follow God's direction. And so he fled God's presence.

Then Jonah prayed unto the Lord his God out of the fish's belly….(Jonah 2:1, KJV)

When did Jonah turn to the Lord for deliverance? When the storm came, when the men threw him overboard, when he was sinking to the bottom of the sea? No. It was only after he'd been in the great fish for three days and three nights, only then did he open his heart and seek the Lord.

And so we come back to the rending of the heart. Sometimes it takes great circumstances before we are able to break open our hearts and offer ourselves up to God. It certainly did with Jonah. For those whose hearts do split apart, great rewards lay in wait. Surely no other human being's heart was rendered more than that of Mary, the mother of Jesus. Who cannot imagine the pain she felt at the foot of the cross? Born out of that intense pressure came rich rewards. No other woman has been so exalted and so hailed among men and women down through the ages. Her pain became the avenue for the rest of us to receive mercy for release.

Jonah's release came when, in the depths of desperation and despair, he turned to the Lord. When he felt trapped. When he finally turned and put his trust in God.

Sometimes a series of things come together to create a moment of serendipity. That's how it was after I read Nouwen's prayer. The idea of the rending of a heart, a man sunk so low he couldn't imagine deliverence, and the prayer seeking mercy and a release came the realization that out of the depths of intense pain and suffering comes hope...then, perhaps, joy.

Eureka! I have the icon.

I found this iconic image of Jonah and the Whale on Skete.com:

Welcome to Skete.com, the home of Orthodox Byzantine Icons and St. Isaac of Syria Skete. Welcome to a place of great visual beauty, a place with a display of many of the greatest icon treasures of the world, a place where many of your spiritual needs have been anticipated, and moreover, a place built to enhance many parts of your spiritual life, feeding you physically, mentally, and spiritually.

Low cost prints of this image (and others) on icons are available from Skete.com. In fact, if you're interested or intrigued with this type of art, their site is a great place to visit. If you'd like to see more images of this nature, try Orthodoxphotos.com. The icons and frescoes page offers a nice introduction to icons and their use.

Back to Jonah and the Whale: So far, this is my favorite image of Jonah as it captures all I hope to explore in the story of Jonah and the whale.

The rending of a heart

It's Ash Wednesday today and the first day of Lent. First things first, I decided to fast today and attend the twelve o'clock mass. I also made a couple of other decisions. One, as part of my Lenten disciplines, I'm working on the Jonah project. In fact, this blog is part of that decision. Two, I'm reading Behold the Beauty of the Lord: Praying with Icons by Henri J.M. Nouwen as part of the process and to prepare for the icon workshop in March. Three, in addition to the Book of Jonah, my daily readings are coming out of Renewed for Life: Daily Lenten Meditations from the works of Henri J.M. Nouwen.

Father Mike's message today was powerful. It seemed to encapsulate the message of the Lenten season and moved me. "Rend my heart" is a passage he read from during his homily and defined "rend" as to take apart:

rend

\Rend\ (r[e^]nd), v. t. [imp. & p. p. Rent (r?nt); p. pr. & vb. n. Rending.] [AS. rendan, hrendan; cf. OFries. renda, randa, Fries. renne to cut, rend, Icel. hrinda to push, thrust, AS. hrindan; or cf. Icel. r?na to rob, plunder, Ir. rannaim to divide, share, part, W. rhanu, Armor. ranna.] 1. To separate into parts with force or sudden violence; to tear asunder; to split; to burst; as, powder rends a rock in blasting; lightning rends an oak.

The dreadful thunder Doth rend the region. --Shak.

2. To part or tear off forcibly; to take away by force.

An empire from its old foundations rent. --Dryden.

I will surely rend the kingdom from thee. --1 Kings xi. 11.

To rap and rend. See under Rap, v. t., to snatch.

Syn: To tear; burst; break; rupture; lacerate; fracture; crack; split.

Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, © 1996, 1998 MICRA, Inc.

I found myself asking God to rend my heart this season.

A new venture

Today begins a new venture.