I have several different types of friends. Depending on my mood or my needs, I will contact one or the other. If all is going along well, I will contact all of them.
I once had a funny conversation with Vikk, which she has (conveniently?) forgotten. I told her how I had a very deep conversation with another friend, and how I always seemed to have these deep, soul-baring conversations with this particular person. Vikk asked if I thought of her as my shallow and superficial friend if I had deep conversations only with this other person, which made us both laugh, but really led me to think about the issue.
I have spoken to other people, friends and aquaintances, about whether they also have different types of friendships. One particular friend told me that when she feels depressed and needs a pick-me-up, she has one person she calls and asks to go with her to a movie. This person is always funny, irreverant and great company. But if my friend wanted compassion and someone from whom she could get sympathy, she would not call Ms. Bubbly.
I have friends who write and writers who are aquaintances. I have long-distance friends who I have known since we were all in our late teens and living in Paris or I was in my early twenties and living in Spain. We get together once in a while, getting older and sharing our hopes and fears for the future, catching up on family news and still feeling that easy closeness that time and distance never seem to affect.
I have friends I met at work who are newer and therefore have not been privy to all my past accomplishments and failures, torments and struggles to succeed both in my personal and professional lives. These new friends don't have to closeness and the history of my older friends, and I am less open with them. Perhaps with time, they also may become more a part of my inner group, but it is also possible that because the openness of youth has long departed, that the walls built around my inner core will remain impenetrable to them, and they will only see what I want them to see.
My older friends can sense when I am holding back, just as I sense it in them. Familiarity breeds contempt, the saying goes, but I don't believe that saying--I only believe that familiary bares the truth, and that the truth sometimes reveals traits we might not care for if the friend was a family member. However, friends are not family. They sometimes drift away or disappear altogether, abruptly, like ships leaving port in the dark of night. They may feel momentary guilt at the severence of communication, but they are not family, and they therefore don't feel they owe an explanation.
I'm not saying friends are not like family in some ways. My older friends are indeed my extended family. We might not often see each other, but we are always there, and if one of us had a big crisis, I know the others would rally around and see what needed to be done. I have seen it for myself. When I had to go to England for urgent family reasons, my friend in Florida was ready to jump on a plane if I asked her and fly wherever she needed to go, whether it was to be with me or to go to my family in Houston. That's real friendship, and it's a wonderful gift.
The advent of the Internet has made it easier to keep our friendships closer and fresher without the cost of minutes racking up on the phone charges. Makes me want to reach out and touch someone...
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