Aging gracefully

I was accused this week of being afraid of growing old, like I should be accepting it with grace and even perhaps, joy?  I wonder why I should be expected to accept anything, least of all aging.  It's not pretty, it's not an accomplishment and it's not a gift (otherwise I'd be the first one to give it back.)

Every day I see what age does to people when I visit my patients.  I see aches and pains, loss of mobility, loss of independence and loss of dignity. I see people who can no longer care for themselves, dress themselves, drive themselves or make their own decisions about anything.  Their daily planners or calendars are filled not with fun appointments but with appointments to see various doctors, to go to dialysis, the lab or the coumadin clinic, to get an X-Ray, an MRI or a CT scan, an eye exam., a dental appointment.

They consider a visit from a home health worker to be an event; a chance to regain some mobility at least, even if it's to get to the bathroom unassisted or make it down the stairs to the car for all those appointments.

The list of their past or present ailments sometimes occupies several lines on their intake sheets or evaluations, yet they continue on, trying to get well enough to have some quality of life, however small.  I rarely find anyone who is willing to throw in the proverbial towel and leave this mortal coil, even those who are religiously inclined.

I wonder why we cling to life at any cost, any expense?  Most of us are fed a picture of going to paradise when we die, yet we refuse to pass on, submitting ourselves to one more operation, one more drug, one more round of rehabilitation in order not to leave our families and friends.

I still wonder why I am supposed to be thrilled to be on this path.

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